ADDICTIONS Counseling | TRAVERSE CITY | Substance Abuse Therapist

Addictions counseling normally leads to your continued participation in a twelve step program with occasional individual counseling sessions on an as needed basis.

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Addiction affects us in many ways. We work too much, eat too much, and drink too much. We look for ways to self medicate when we experience even the slightest uncomfortable feelings. Society doesn't really encourage us to feel what is really going on or to stay in touch with what is really important either. To be sober, or sober-minded, is to be in touch with reality. It is to see what really is there, hear what is really being said and to experience our feelings. We don't need to always follow our feelings; but they do provide us with information. It is what we do with them.

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Recovery is the process where we are tired of using and we say good by to our drug of choice. The process of recovery is three-fold: Physical, Emotional and Spiritual. Some substances have a direct effect on our nervous system like alcohol, pot, street drugs and prescription medicine. Other addictions are called process addictions as they involve behaviors like sex, gambling, spending, work and Internet use. Don't be fooled. These behaviors can be very addictive and affect our brains just as much.

Emotionally, addicts are numb. That is why many people with addictions look so good. They function pretty well. They appear even tempered at the beginning stages, because they are sedating ourselves with the glass of wine at night, the porn fix weekly or the "shopping therapy" on the weekend. They don't really think that there is anything wrong. This is what is called denial. A spouse, parents or concerned person begins to feel more than they addict is feeling. As the concerned person becomes more motivated to help the addict, the addict does less to help their own life. The need to be "independent" and not controlled is a very strong need. It surpasses rational thinking and logic. They unconsciously choose to continue in their addictive cycle rather than look at the reality of what is going and doing what their spouse wants. Thus feeling "independent," they are actually dependent on the eating, drinking, working, shopping, gambling, lusting or drug use.

The Illusion of Control
Another element that addicts experience is that they feel so out of control, that they overcompensate by trying to control the externals . . . people, place, situation. Letting go is foreign to the life of an addict. In essence, they are "control freaks." We tend to think of negative situations involving control. But control can be trying to make everyone happy. Not ever really telling people that we are upset, because we don't want to upset the proverbial apple cart which would ultimately make us feel out of control. We don't want to be rejected, so we lie. Lying could be seen as form of control. We would any of us lie, except to alter peoples perceptions of ourselves. God knows that truth. We try to control our feelings. The more we seem to control, the more out of control we feel. We use our drug of choice, to give us a false sense of control.

An Addiction: Friend or Foe?
I have heard it said that an addiction is like a friend. It is always there to comfort, to be there at all hours of the day and to help you solve your problems. I think a better way to think about it is like it is like a companion. It seduces us into thinking it is a friend to us, but really it just wants to be near us. The addiction says:

Guess what? Our addiction is no friend. There is not one of these promises that are true except one--"I will never leave you." In fact, it will try to destroy you even though you don't think it will. It will bring more distress and discomfort than it will relieve. It will make you feel worthless, ashamed and special in the wrong kind of way. It will make life harder, not easier. Whatever it numbs will get that much stronger and more difficult to deal with, once you wake up from its trance.

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The beginning stages of recovery are difficult. You say goodbye to this companion. You leave it and divorce it from your life. You do not negotiate with it or decide who gets what. In this case, a quick goodbye is better than a long one. But. . as difficult as the beginning way, the journey gets better and easier in some ways. It is not that life is not constantly throwing curve balls at us. It does, but I guess we get stronger as we continue to admit our weaknesses. We get stronger and we depend upon God. We get more comfortable with letting go of blame, shame and taking responsibility. In the long run life gets easier when you have developed the skills and the 12 steps have become a part of your life.

We Surrender To Win . . . We need to totally surrender unconditionally. We acknowledge that we cannot win the battle against addiction and have totally made a mess of our our life. We are better off if we stop running our life and let God run it for us. We pray in Step 11, "asking only for God's will and the power to carry it out." We are like a prisoner of war who who surrenders with our hands up and we do whatever our higher power tells us to do.

We Suffer To Get Well . . . There is no way to escape pain or suffering in this life. It is a truth that most alcoholics as well as most people try to ignore. The alcoholic, drug addict and sex addict use their substance to avoid suffering. This is why they use. Many people reserve the term alcoholic for those that really suffer--shaking, needing another drink, getting sick from drinking. But perhaps they are numbing themselves in minor ways and are too out of touch with themselves to identify that they are drinking as a form of self medication. To recover, we must go through the pain. We must learn to be mature and to face reality. Thankfully, the 12 steps help us face reality with the Grace of God.

We Die In Order To Live . . . This beautiful paradox comes right out of the biblical idea of "losing our life" (Matt. 10:39) and denying one's self and carrying one's cross. (Matt. 16:24) The harder we hold on to our life, the more it slips through our fingers without us realizing it. (We call this white knuckling it) But when we empty ourselves of our ego, and die to our dreams, our will and our ways, God will give us life. We must die daily. While we may decide to surrender at a certain point of time, we must surrender every moment, so as to acquire God's grace to keep us sober. This only comes through death, his and ours.

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