Effective
addictions treatment requires your continued participation
in a twelve step program with occasional
individual counseling sessions on an as needed
basis only to help resolve those issues that are
directly associated with the addiction and those
issues that are not directly related to the addiction.
Addiction
and Recovery . . .
Addiction
affects us in many ways. We work too much, eat too
much, and drink too much. We look for ways to self
medicate when we experience even the slightest uncomfortable
feelings. Society doesn't really encourage us to
feel what is really going on or to stay in touch
with what is really important either. To be sober,
or sober-minded, is to be in touch with reality.
It is to see what really is there, hear what is
really being said and to experience our feelings.
We don't need to always follow our feelings; but
they do provide us with information. It is what
we do with them.
Recovery
is the process where we are tired of using and we
say good by to our drug of choice. The
process of recovery is three-fold: Physical, Emotional
and Spiritual. Some substances have a direct effect
on our nervous system like alcohol, pot, street
drugs and prescription medicine. Other addictions
are called process addictions as they involve behaviors
like sex, gambling, spending, work and Internet
use. Don't be fooled. These behaviors can be very
addictive and affect our brains just as much.
Emotionally, addicts are numb.
That is why many people with addictions look so
good. They function pretty well. They appear even
tempered at the beginning stages, because they are
sedating ourselves with the glass of wine at night,
the porn fix weekly or the "shopping therapy"
on the weekend. They don't really think that there
is anything wrong. This is what is called denial.
A spouse, parents or concerned person begins to
feel more than they addict is feeling. As the concerned
person becomes more motivated to help the addict,
the addict does less to help their own life. The
need to be "independent" and not controlled
is a very strong need. It surpasses rational thinking
and logic. They unconsciously choose to continue
in their addictive cycle rather than look at the
reality of what is going and doing what their spouse
wants. Thus feeling "independent," they
are actually dependent on the eating, drinking,
working, shopping, gambling, lusting or drug use.
The
Illusion of Control
Another element that addicts experience is that
they feel so out of control, that they overcompensate
by trying to control the externals . . . people,
place, situation. Letting go is foreign to
the life of an addict. In essence, they are "control
freaks." We tend to think of negative situations
involving control. But control can be trying to
make everyone happy. Not ever really telling people
that we are upset, because we don't want to upset
the proverbial apple cart which would ultimately
make us feel out of control. We don't want to be
rejected, so we lie. Lying could be seen as form
of control. We would any of us lie, except to alter
peoples perceptions of ourselves. God knows that
truth. We try to control our feelings. The more
we seem to control, the more out of control we feel.
We use our drug of choice, to give us a false sense
of control.
An
Addiction: Friend or Foe?
I have heard it said that an addiction is like a
friend. It is always there to comfort, to be there
at all hours of the day and to help you solve your
problems. I think a better way to think about it
is like it is like a companion. It seduces us into
thinking it is a friend to us, but really it just
wants to be near us. The addiction says:
- "I promise
to comfort you when you feel like no one else
will."
- "I will
take you away from your problems."
- "I will
reduce the stress in your life by making life
easier."
- "I will
make you feel special, attractive and loved."
- "I will
never leave you."
Guess what? Our addiction is no
friend. There is not one of these promises that
are true except one--"I will never leave you."
In fact, it will try to destroy you even though
you don't think it will. It will bring more distress
and discomfort than it will relieve. It will make
you feel worthless, ashamed and special in the wrong
kind of way. It will make life harder, not easier.
Whatever it numbs will get that much stronger and
more difficult to deal with, once you wake up from
its trance.
The
beginning stages of recovery are difficult. You
say goodbye to this companion. You leave it and
divorce it from your life. You do not negotiate
with it or decide who gets what. In this case, a
quick goodbye is better than a long one. But. .
as difficult as the beginning way, the journey gets
better and easier in some ways. It is not that life
is not constantly throwing curve balls at us. It
does, but I guess we get stronger as we continue
to admit our weaknesses. We get stronger and we
depend upon God. We get more comfortable with letting
go of blame, shame and taking responsibility. In
the long run life gets easier when you have developed
the skills and the 12 steps have become a part of
your life.
The
Four Paradoxes in Recovery . . .
In recovery, four paradoxes become evident . . .
- We surrender
to win.
- We give away
to keep.
- We suffer to
get well.
- We die in order
to live.
We Surrender To Win . .
. We need to totally surrender unconditionally.
We acknowledge that we cannot win the battle against
addiction and have totally made a mess of our our
life. We are better off if we stop running our life
and let God run it for us. We pray in Step 11, "asking
only for God's will and the power to carry it out."
We are like a prisoner of war who who surrenders
with our hands up and we do whatever our higher
power tells us to do.
We Give Away To Keep
. . . This strange expression identifies
our selfishness and understanding that we can only
be healed as "we give away what God has given
us." "Freely you have received, freely
give." (Matthew 10:8) When we are hoarding,
greedy and stingy we are likely to use our addiction
again as we have left a state of Grace.
We Suffer To Get Well .
. . There is no way to escape pain or suffering
in this life. It is a truth that most alcoholics
as well as most people try to ignore. The alcoholic,
drug addict and sex addict use their substance to
avoid suffering. This is why they use. Many people
reserve the term alcoholic for those that really
suffer--shaking, needing another drink, getting
sick from drinking. But perhaps they are numbing
themselves in minor ways and are too out of touch
with themselves to identify that they are drinking
as a form of self medication. To recover, we must
go through the pain. We must learn to be mature
and to face reality. Thankfully, the 12 steps help
us face reality with the Grace of God.
We Die In Order To Live
. . . This beautiful paradox comes right
out of the biblical idea of "losing our life"
(Matt. 10:39) and denying one's self and carrying
one's cross. (Matt. 16:24) The harder we hold on
to our life, the more it slips through our fingers
without us realizing it. (We call this white knuckling
it) But when we empty ourselves of our ego, and
die to our dreams, our will and our ways, God will
give us life. We must die daily. While we may decide
to surrender at a certain point of time, we must
surrender every moment, so as to acquire God's grace
to keep us sober. This only comes through death,
his and ours.
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Counseling - Therapy - Traverse City, Michigan
